13. Define and describe the importance of language in counseling. Give examples.
The
language we use reveals much about what we truly understand and believe. Counselors need to constantly demonstrate
Biblical language and note the language of a counselee in order to find their
skewed views. Sadly, our increasingly
psychologized culture has influenced our beliefs; causing us to speak wrongly
by stating euphemisms, lies, labels, and misperceptions as certainties on a
conversation-by-conversation basis. The
more we speak non-truth the more we believe non-truth. It becomes a part of our mind-set. This is a serious matter.
Euphemisms are statements that soften the blow of the truth. When people declare that they have “mental illness” or “emotional problems” they are candy-coating a more serious problem with a nice label. There is no such thing as mental illness because the mind can’t be diseased (the brain can but that is very different). There is no such thing as emotional problems because people who claim such conditions are very emotional (all emotions work fine). They need to be shown that sin has triggered their emotional responses in a way that they do not like. The sin that produces anger, depression, and self-pity is left unresolved because the euphemistic label has shifted the person’s thinking to the blame being on a perceived “sickness” or “illness”.
People don’t realize that they speak outright lies. A Bible believing person has no reason to use words like “luck” or “chance”. To do so is to speak of a random world and declare that God is not completely sovereign. God is sovereign (Isa. 46:9-10, Ps. 115:3) to the point where even the lot that is drawn from the sticks is decided by the Lord (Prov. 16:33). Rather, a person “ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that” (Jas. 4:15). People also make absolute statements such as “I can never do that… he’s always like this… you say this every time!” These are more non-Biblical vocabularies we commonly use. First of all they are likely untrue (lies). People don’t do much of anything 100% yet this language would state it as matter of fact. Secondly, these statements are almost always associated with frustration and anger and are rarely used in a pleasant, righteous, or kind manner. Counselees may also find themselves using the word “good” inappropriately. They may claim that they themselves are good or that things that they do are good. Indeed, by God’s grace we do some things “good” (if by that we mean doing things for His glory). We must remember that good doesn’t mean “nice things” but rather, “good” according to the whole of Scripture is to obey the Father and glorify the Son. Perhaps the most unbiblical and self-damaging lie that people utter is “can’t”. Quite often we say that we “could never do that… can’t bring myself to do it.. I’m simply not able to”. This is an outrageous denial of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where Paul declares that no temptation will overtake the believer and that there is hope in every trial because others have experienced it and have endured it or escaped it. It’s a denial of the believer’s promise in Philippians 4:13 which declares that we can do all things to the praise of Him because He gives us the strength to do so. Christians who constantly say they “can’t” will soon believe it and disobey God’s will for them.
Often, we are also very wrong in our speech when we replace what we’ve done with how we feel. People will say, “I feel inferior… inadequate… stupid… lazy”. But those are not feelings. This comes back to blame-shifting. A person is likely acting stupid or inferior. They cannot feel that way because those are not emotions. The real emotions that they would be experiencing (self-pity, worry, doubt, etc.) are not dealt with because they see the cause wrongly.
Though there is so much more that could be exemplified it is important to note that sinful behavior leads to unpleasant emotional experiences. One must repent for Christ’s sake, not merely for relief of their perceived feelings. While we can’t correct or identify every wrong word or thought, we must carefully hear others’ faulty words and ideas so that we can see their upside-down attitudes, beliefs, and opinions in order to help them get turned Bible-side up.
Euphemisms are statements that soften the blow of the truth. When people declare that they have “mental illness” or “emotional problems” they are candy-coating a more serious problem with a nice label. There is no such thing as mental illness because the mind can’t be diseased (the brain can but that is very different). There is no such thing as emotional problems because people who claim such conditions are very emotional (all emotions work fine). They need to be shown that sin has triggered their emotional responses in a way that they do not like. The sin that produces anger, depression, and self-pity is left unresolved because the euphemistic label has shifted the person’s thinking to the blame being on a perceived “sickness” or “illness”.
People don’t realize that they speak outright lies. A Bible believing person has no reason to use words like “luck” or “chance”. To do so is to speak of a random world and declare that God is not completely sovereign. God is sovereign (Isa. 46:9-10, Ps. 115:3) to the point where even the lot that is drawn from the sticks is decided by the Lord (Prov. 16:33). Rather, a person “ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that” (Jas. 4:15). People also make absolute statements such as “I can never do that… he’s always like this… you say this every time!” These are more non-Biblical vocabularies we commonly use. First of all they are likely untrue (lies). People don’t do much of anything 100% yet this language would state it as matter of fact. Secondly, these statements are almost always associated with frustration and anger and are rarely used in a pleasant, righteous, or kind manner. Counselees may also find themselves using the word “good” inappropriately. They may claim that they themselves are good or that things that they do are good. Indeed, by God’s grace we do some things “good” (if by that we mean doing things for His glory). We must remember that good doesn’t mean “nice things” but rather, “good” according to the whole of Scripture is to obey the Father and glorify the Son. Perhaps the most unbiblical and self-damaging lie that people utter is “can’t”. Quite often we say that we “could never do that… can’t bring myself to do it.. I’m simply not able to”. This is an outrageous denial of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where Paul declares that no temptation will overtake the believer and that there is hope in every trial because others have experienced it and have endured it or escaped it. It’s a denial of the believer’s promise in Philippians 4:13 which declares that we can do all things to the praise of Him because He gives us the strength to do so. Christians who constantly say they “can’t” will soon believe it and disobey God’s will for them.
Often, we are also very wrong in our speech when we replace what we’ve done with how we feel. People will say, “I feel inferior… inadequate… stupid… lazy”. But those are not feelings. This comes back to blame-shifting. A person is likely acting stupid or inferior. They cannot feel that way because those are not emotions. The real emotions that they would be experiencing (self-pity, worry, doubt, etc.) are not dealt with because they see the cause wrongly.
Though there is so much more that could be exemplified it is important to note that sinful behavior leads to unpleasant emotional experiences. One must repent for Christ’s sake, not merely for relief of their perceived feelings. While we can’t correct or identify every wrong word or thought, we must carefully hear others’ faulty words and ideas so that we can see their upside-down attitudes, beliefs, and opinions in order to help them get turned Bible-side up.
14. Explain the significance of Eph. 4:17-25, and similar passages for Biblical counseling.
Ephesians chapter 4 has great implications for how the born again, new creature in Christ is to walk in a new “manner of life” (v. 22). It is a great testimony to how behavior modification falls so short in failing to effectively change a person according to God’s standards. With statements such as “do not sin” (v. 26) and “Be…forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (v. 32) it is such a clear picture of what God requires from the transformed believer. It gives insight regarding repentance and bearing fruit for the Lord. In discipleship and counseling, this is our only way to notice whether or not people may indeed be saved by God.
The world would be content with change that merely eliminates, reduces, or replaces a bad thing. However, Biblical change begins by understanding and applying the Gospel. Some people wrongly start their acts of obedience with the imperative (what we must do for God), leading to unbiblical moralism and legalism. However, we as Christians must always focus first on the indicative (what God has done for us in Christ) to understand the union that we share with Him at the cost of Himself. This understanding of imputation at the cross is the key to growth in holiness. The indicative evokes the proper imperative (when prompted by the Holy Spirit). What should this look like in the life of a believer? The answer lies in chapter 4 of Ephesians.
Change according to God’s word is a two-factored process. As Paul exhorts the Ephesians to “walk no longer” as pagans who “practice every kind of impurity” he blames it on the “hardness of their heart” (v. 17-19). He then points out that they learned Christ. They “heard Him… been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus” (v. 20-21). He connects the dots that while change is exhorted, it must come from an overflow of a personal affection towards the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ. Because they have heard the truth and believe it, they are empowered to change. The remainder is where Paul gives the instructions on what this two-factored process looks like. First he says that a Christian must rid themselves of their “former manner of life” by “laying aside the old self” which was corrupted with “lusts of deceit” (v. 22). He accordingly says in verses 28, 29, 30, and 31 that he who steals “must steal no longer”, say “no unwholesome word”, stop grieving “the Holy Spirit”, and “put away… all malice”. In the picture of a u-turn of repentance, this is where the sinner must humble himself, stop marching proudly towards Hell’s gates, and commit to go another direction. However, the second part is the most crucial aspect. The Christian is not free to go down a new road to the left or right that leads to a different and more pleasant journey of unrighteousness. The second step is that for every one of those “put-off’s” there is a holy standard from God to “put-on”. The Christian must be “renewed… and put on the new self… in the likeness of God” which is all based on “the truth” (v. 24). The liar must not merely stop traveling the road of lies and then pick another mucky path. He must quit himself and the road of lies and make the 180-degree turn down the very specific, righteous road of speaking the “truth” with other people. Likewise, the thief doesn’t stop being a thief merely once he stops stealing but once he performs “labor” in order to have “something to share” with another. Christians are to speak only that which is “good for edification”, “give grace to those who hear”, being “kind to one another… forgiving each other” “just as God in Christ” forgave them. Teaching this is foundational to counseling because “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold new things have come” (2 Cor. 5:17). Counselees must be exhorted to live commandment-driven lives not feeling-driven lives. This must be done out of thankfulness so that the commandments followed aren’t out of mere legalism. The picture of repentance is made clear. We must acknowledge the wicked desires we obey, stop, turn, ignore every other road offered to us that leads to destruction, and joyfully travel down the narrow path of life that requires only righteous living and thinking.
The world would be content with change that merely eliminates, reduces, or replaces a bad thing. However, Biblical change begins by understanding and applying the Gospel. Some people wrongly start their acts of obedience with the imperative (what we must do for God), leading to unbiblical moralism and legalism. However, we as Christians must always focus first on the indicative (what God has done for us in Christ) to understand the union that we share with Him at the cost of Himself. This understanding of imputation at the cross is the key to growth in holiness. The indicative evokes the proper imperative (when prompted by the Holy Spirit). What should this look like in the life of a believer? The answer lies in chapter 4 of Ephesians.
Change according to God’s word is a two-factored process. As Paul exhorts the Ephesians to “walk no longer” as pagans who “practice every kind of impurity” he blames it on the “hardness of their heart” (v. 17-19). He then points out that they learned Christ. They “heard Him… been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus” (v. 20-21). He connects the dots that while change is exhorted, it must come from an overflow of a personal affection towards the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ. Because they have heard the truth and believe it, they are empowered to change. The remainder is where Paul gives the instructions on what this two-factored process looks like. First he says that a Christian must rid themselves of their “former manner of life” by “laying aside the old self” which was corrupted with “lusts of deceit” (v. 22). He accordingly says in verses 28, 29, 30, and 31 that he who steals “must steal no longer”, say “no unwholesome word”, stop grieving “the Holy Spirit”, and “put away… all malice”. In the picture of a u-turn of repentance, this is where the sinner must humble himself, stop marching proudly towards Hell’s gates, and commit to go another direction. However, the second part is the most crucial aspect. The Christian is not free to go down a new road to the left or right that leads to a different and more pleasant journey of unrighteousness. The second step is that for every one of those “put-off’s” there is a holy standard from God to “put-on”. The Christian must be “renewed… and put on the new self… in the likeness of God” which is all based on “the truth” (v. 24). The liar must not merely stop traveling the road of lies and then pick another mucky path. He must quit himself and the road of lies and make the 180-degree turn down the very specific, righteous road of speaking the “truth” with other people. Likewise, the thief doesn’t stop being a thief merely once he stops stealing but once he performs “labor” in order to have “something to share” with another. Christians are to speak only that which is “good for edification”, “give grace to those who hear”, being “kind to one another… forgiving each other” “just as God in Christ” forgave them. Teaching this is foundational to counseling because “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold new things have come” (2 Cor. 5:17). Counselees must be exhorted to live commandment-driven lives not feeling-driven lives. This must be done out of thankfulness so that the commandments followed aren’t out of mere legalism. The picture of repentance is made clear. We must acknowledge the wicked desires we obey, stop, turn, ignore every other road offered to us that leads to destruction, and joyfully travel down the narrow path of life that requires only righteous living and thinking.
15. Describe and diagram how depression develops and is to be alleviated.
The image to the left displays two different
scenarios of how a life circumstance or emotion could have two different
results. The bottom of the page is
depression, guilt, sadness, and anger.
The top of the page is joy and peace.
In both situations, the original problem starts the person down towards
the bottom. The image in the middle
shows a red small spiral effect that compounds the problem. This is an example of a sinful response to the
original problem (in this case its internal anger all clammed up – red small
spiral) and it adds more aggression to the downward spiral (as indicated by its
increasing width and size). It gains
even more momentum when another response of anger is depicted as an
explosion. This represents outward
anger/frustration (explosion cloud).
These are just examples of some sinful responses. The point of the red, non-biblical response
is to show that sin habits (whatever they may be) are hard to break and will
only lead a person towards more misery.
On the other hand the green path represents the Biblical solution. Notice how the original problem still seems
to start wide and downhill (start with original problem). However, the focus of traveling a narrow way
to the foot of the cross is the driving force in getting the path re-directed
upwards towards joy and peace. While
other problems and circumstances will come, a believer who travels this road
will return to peace when he/she lays hold of the reality that God indeed works
out all things for good for those who love Him (Rom. 8:28) and He is sovereign
and we can trust Him in all circumstances (Isa. 46:9-10). As other problems (“another problem”) attack the
believer they are never derailed too far thanks to the belief in His care and
goodness. Finally, the extremely wide
pencil-colored arrow that starts at the green path and goes to the bottom of
the red path is to indicate that it is never too late to repent. Even if one is suffering at the bottom of
their downward spiral the turning towards righteousness for Christ’s sake is
still possible if they will repent and believe.
16. Define anger biblically. Describe at least five ways people deal with anger. Describe both sinful and godly ways of dealing with anger.
God
designed anger as a part of our emotional systems. Like other emotions, anger can be used as a
driving force to help us defend the honor of God. In this sense anger can be righteous. However, like everything else God has given
us that is meant to be a beautiful and pure way of expressing love for Him (sex,
art, music, etc.); we have perverted it by using it for selfish, sordid
gain. This is how anger is sin. The way to determine whether one’s anger is
sinful or not is to examine the motive of their emotion and honestly reflect on
the questions, “Am I wholly and purely angry over God’s glory right now… or is
there any anger in me that is resulting from not getting what I want, not being
known as I’d like to be known, etc? Is
my anger for God or for self?” Since we rarely
exhibit true righteous anger this response will briefly address what that looks
like to be able to say more about what the sinful side of anger looks like.
Anger is not always sinful. God is angry with the wicked everyday (Ps. 7:11). Jesus Himself showed anger at those who were leading people astray and hard in their hearts (Mark 3:5). He made a “scourge of cords”, flipped tables, and drove money lovers out of the temple (John 2:15-17). John the Baptist called religious hypocrites, “brood of vipers” (Matt. 3:7). Even since Moses day, wicked people have been executed to appease God’s anger (Num. 25:4).
What did all of these situations have in common? These were moments when God or godly men were zealous for the Lord’s glory. Their anger is justified in that it came from a passion for God. However, this is rare for us as individuals and extremely rare in counseling. To a sinner, all anger seems righteous. We easily make justifications for why we are supposedly treated unjustly and want revenge. We are commanded to be angry so long as we don’t sin; “yet do not sin” (Eph. 4:26). Sinful anger may show itself clearly with hurtful words and red faces. But anger is an issue of a selfishly filled heart that when squeezed by temptation pours wickedness out of the mouth or to our thoughts (Mark 7:21, Matt. 12:34). Sinful anger of venting, breaking stuff, telling someone off, or slandering someone is often seen as the bad “blowing up” side of anger. However, the internalizing side of anger where a person “clams up” is just as immoral. This is why we’re commanded not to let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). The slow burning of internal anger and hatred eventually erupts wildly (perhaps best seen in cases of school shootings). Other sinful ways anger is expressed is in displacement. More commonly known as blaming, displacement is about targeting someone or something else for personal wants and desires not being met (picture your attitudes when surrounded by reckless drivers). Many people also express anger through denial. They’ll say statements like “I’m upset… frustrated… disappointed” but the truth behind their feelings is that their will wasn’t done to their liking and for that they are angry and sinning. Pride is the root of all of our sin but perhaps one of the strongest branches on the tree is anger. From anger flow all sorts of rotten fruit-manifestations like resentment, bitterness, adultery, lying, cheating, boredom, and envy.
In counseling we must lovingly confront sinful anger by rebuking a person over their motives. Many justify their thoughts and actions but through some questioning it can be made very clear that they are angry because their will is not being done! A professing Christian must learn to change this (as the Scriptures command) because we are to only be concerned with the Lord’s will being done! Every time we express anger it is as if we are saying, “No God, you didn’t get it right! I want it this way!” (like a kid throwing a tantrum in a toy store). To put off anger and put on love for Christ we must care about self the least and God and others first. We must not “revile in return” but trust in God “who judges righteously” just like Jesus (1 Pet. 2:23).
Anger is not always sinful. God is angry with the wicked everyday (Ps. 7:11). Jesus Himself showed anger at those who were leading people astray and hard in their hearts (Mark 3:5). He made a “scourge of cords”, flipped tables, and drove money lovers out of the temple (John 2:15-17). John the Baptist called religious hypocrites, “brood of vipers” (Matt. 3:7). Even since Moses day, wicked people have been executed to appease God’s anger (Num. 25:4).
What did all of these situations have in common? These were moments when God or godly men were zealous for the Lord’s glory. Their anger is justified in that it came from a passion for God. However, this is rare for us as individuals and extremely rare in counseling. To a sinner, all anger seems righteous. We easily make justifications for why we are supposedly treated unjustly and want revenge. We are commanded to be angry so long as we don’t sin; “yet do not sin” (Eph. 4:26). Sinful anger may show itself clearly with hurtful words and red faces. But anger is an issue of a selfishly filled heart that when squeezed by temptation pours wickedness out of the mouth or to our thoughts (Mark 7:21, Matt. 12:34). Sinful anger of venting, breaking stuff, telling someone off, or slandering someone is often seen as the bad “blowing up” side of anger. However, the internalizing side of anger where a person “clams up” is just as immoral. This is why we’re commanded not to let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). The slow burning of internal anger and hatred eventually erupts wildly (perhaps best seen in cases of school shootings). Other sinful ways anger is expressed is in displacement. More commonly known as blaming, displacement is about targeting someone or something else for personal wants and desires not being met (picture your attitudes when surrounded by reckless drivers). Many people also express anger through denial. They’ll say statements like “I’m upset… frustrated… disappointed” but the truth behind their feelings is that their will wasn’t done to their liking and for that they are angry and sinning. Pride is the root of all of our sin but perhaps one of the strongest branches on the tree is anger. From anger flow all sorts of rotten fruit-manifestations like resentment, bitterness, adultery, lying, cheating, boredom, and envy.
In counseling we must lovingly confront sinful anger by rebuking a person over their motives. Many justify their thoughts and actions but through some questioning it can be made very clear that they are angry because their will is not being done! A professing Christian must learn to change this (as the Scriptures command) because we are to only be concerned with the Lord’s will being done! Every time we express anger it is as if we are saying, “No God, you didn’t get it right! I want it this way!” (like a kid throwing a tantrum in a toy store). To put off anger and put on love for Christ we must care about self the least and God and others first. We must not “revile in return” but trust in God “who judges righteously” just like Jesus (1 Pet. 2:23).